Name one of them "Patron"
...and the other one "Pick"Kittens Need Homes and You Need, well, read on...
Orlando Fringe Producer Beth Marshall is trying to find homes for four kittens her adult cat gave birth to. They're two months old, 1 female and 3 males, dewormed, de-flead, no health issues, are liter box trained and get along well with people, dogs and other cats. For more information email her: producer@orlandofringe.org.
That's all well and good, but what I am having a slight issue with is her very unorthodox way of trying to get you folks to take them. I'm not judging, I'm just saying. Unorthodox. Well, why don't you judge for yourself and read the following information I got from Beth about the cute kittens that appear in the poorly-shot photographs above.
Beth told me if you adopt one of her kittens (or more), she'd GUARANTEE that your show gets into the 2009 Orlando Fringe Festival. Yes, the festival is unjuried and yes this goes against every single rule of a true fringe festival, but hey, she can twist arms and hey, she needs to get rid of these kittens. And who's gonna complain about your special Fringe treatment? Michael Marrinachio? Please.Of course this entire post is a complete lie and written simply to bring attention to the fact that our beloved Beth Marshall is trying to get her four kittens adopted by loving homes. Please consider adopting one or two if you have the time and space. Here are all the details:
Her second offer is this. If you adopt one (or more) of her kittens, she will also GUARANTEE that your show wins Patrons Pick in your venue. Again, she runs the festival. Arms = Twisted. Now what value is Patron's Pick? It's EVERYthing. It's the one and only true reason any artist even bothers with putting up a show. Losing Patron's Pick is like losing a Grammy. To Mariah Carey. So, this is a BIG, BIG deal. And she's just GIVING it to you.
And, as an added bonus, she has a third offer. If you adopt one, two, three or all four of her kittens, she will ensure that the show of your choice, any show accepted into the 2009 festival besides your own.... BOMBS. She has arms and she knows how to twist them. Now, this might not seem very valuable now, but remember: there might be ONE show standing in between you and Patron's Pick. Make sure that show goes DOWN before you risk losing everything.
Everything = Patrons Pick.
So, to conclude, while a kitten can't guarantee happiness, friendship or years of snuggling, cavorting and love... it can get you a one-way ticket to Orlando Fringe fame. And isn't that what we all secretly desire? I know I do. Did. Do.
Did.
"Pixie's latest (and FINAL) batch of kitties are ready for GOOD NEW HOMES! 2 of them are already living in a new place (with Chris' boss :) and we have 4 more ready, weaned and healthy. They are 2 months old. All Black and White. 1 female and 3 males.
They have been dewormed and do not have fleas or any health issues and are liter box trained. They are not fixed as it is still too soon for that. They get along well with people, dogs and other cats. In the perfect world they would find homes willing to take 2- but it is not absolutely a must. Please help me."