Enzian's Haunted Swamp Walk: Homeless Clowns, Flesh-Eating Chefs, and Silent Scandinavian Films

By Eric Pinder
Contributing Writer

Full moons always seem to "bring out the crazy" so Saturday night's full moon was the perfect accompaniment for a tour of Enzian's Haunted Swamp. If you are familiar with the Enzian Theater, you know that parking is always problematic and it's worse for this popular event so plan accordingly. We arrived just as the Swamp Tour was taking a thirty minute break but that allowed us to visit the Eden Bar where they had the usual tasty snacks as well as specialty drinks like the Red Witch - a combination of Cherry Vodka and Champagne that reminded me of a beverage that would be served at a High School party. A better choice is the Hauntini with Vodka, Sprite, Sour, and Blue Curacao (ah, Blue Curacao, you got me through my junior year of college). If you have your wristband for the Swamp Tour, you get a discount at the bar. But don't have too many before you head to the tour and walk the uneven path.

With the moon and a nice cool breeze it was a perfect night to grab a seat on the lawn and soak up the atmosphere, though a few more chairs would've been welcome. There's face painting available and also a site set up with tombstones and props where you and your group can take a picture and purchase a copy. I saw some folks in costume: a couple of sexy witches, bartender dressed as Satan, and props to the Vegas Elvis with the sweet outfit! The scarf is perfect but the suit could use a few more rhinestones - maybe on the flared cuffs. While the DJ mixed beats (I Put A Spell On You by Screamin' Jay Hawkins was an inspired choice) a large outdoor screen showed a silent Scandinavian film (our eventual consensus: Finnish) about monks forcing people to confess to dealing with the devil. An old woman (and I mean a WRINKLED old crone - she looked like a Henson muppet from The Dark Crystal) was tortured (not actually shown - implied) and admitted to giving birth to some fifty of Satan's children which was then shown in flashback. The film was completely engrossing (like so many films at the Enzian) but we had to get in line for the Tour. I regret not asking someone the film's name.

The Swamp tour is cleverly set up on the adjoining land to the theater and the smell is indeed swamp. I'm pleased to report that I heard no banjos. The line starts by a hearse with a glowing red interior - a nice touch. The pathways twist around and often the ground is uneven, but mostly the paths are well lit and clearly marked, so you don't have a sense of getting lost. You do feel completely removed from civilization however. I don't want to give any surprises away since the fun is really in not knowing what you will expect, but I liked the hobo clown camp and the flesh eating chef. There are creepy touches like the crazy man watching dolls on TV while they hung from trees all around him. Very effective and artistic. The 'scare-actors' are all excellent (my personal favorite: the screaming girl at the end) and the best part is you can go more than once in case you missed subtle touches such as film wrapped around the trees. I would recommend closed-toe shoes (flip flops could be disastrous) and know that you will get wet - there's a great rain effect. Enjoy your decontamination.